Wednesday, July 07, 2010

A needy day...

I keep thinking that I need to write positive things, to keep myself buoyant, to keep myself from drowning, but I am realising that I need to also recognise when I am low and in need of a cry and a cuddle and a little bit of support.

Yesterday was one such day... I was feeling so very let down...

Friends and family help you carry some of your burden in the early days and then slowly they drift off to carry on with their busy lives, leaving you feeling alone and abandoned.  I know that they are never far away, that they are there for me and that I can call them at anytime about anything.  But to tell you the truth, I want them to continue to carry some of this heavy burden for me.  I want them to phone, to write, to pop in, to remind me that they are there for me and my family, to remind me that we are all in their thoughts and that we are loved and that, bottom line, everything is going to be ok.

Of course I could phone them, but I just feel, for once in my lifetime, that I should be looked after, that I shouldn't need to do the phoning, the chasing, that I don't need to make the effort because I am the one that is needing...

And then came the time to put the girls to bed... Niamh is so excited about going to ballet school next week - it's a week long summer school with Scottish Ballet - and has her beautiful stripey leg warmers ready! And there she was telling Eilidh that one day she will be big enough to go to ballet too and dance with Niamh... and I cried. I cried huge tears of loss; for Eilidh, for Niamh and for myself.  I cried for everything I could ever hope for for my daughters...

Why did this have to happen to Eilidh? To us?

No comments: