Friday, October 22, 2010

The Painting on the Wall

I bought this painting by Ruth Mulvie, a Glasgow based artist, from just after Eilidh was born.

I was drawn to it;
It represented everything I wanted for Niamh and her little sister.


After Eilidh's diagnosis I wanted to take it down from the wall and hide it away.
Never to lay eyes upon it again.

It represented everything I felt that Eilidh and Niamh had lost
along with the diagnosis of SMA.

They would never
walk together
run together
or play like the girls in the painting.

It hurt to look at it; my heart would ache.

But it has stayed on the wall
For me to see every time I go up the stairs.

I don't hate it any more.
It does, however, still makes me sad.
I still feel a sense of loss,
which I cannot hide away
or hide away from.
I do not want to hide the painting away; I can't.
For I am sure that Eilidh
walks & runs,
and dances & plays
at night while she sleeps
and dreams.

So I will dream, too of those moments when she is free of SMA.
Especially when I look at this painting.

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