Saturday, December 11, 2010

6th November

A diary day...

"there have been so many moments when i have thought
"i need to write that down"
or
"i need to think about that more"
but then time passes on by and i forget or don't make the time just to sit down, be still, be alone and reflect and write. 
i don't know where time goes. 
it passes.
yes, it passes, but too quickly.
all too quickly. 
time won't stand still. i do not own it. neither can i control it. i, we, just have to live in each moment of time that we have.

i was thinking earlier if i am the best that i can be when i am with david and the little ones? 
i wanted, and still want to believe that i am.
i could tell myself that i am, but i know that i am not. 
i am damn good when i am with them and present in their love.
but, at the moment at least, i am best (probably) when i am alone with no one pushing or pulling me in this direction or that direction. 
i feel more in control. 
more at peace. 
is that selfish? i hope not: i don't think so... 
these moments alone allow me to be better when i am with them.  i can give more of myself to them, knowing that i have had time to myself.  time to be true to myself."

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