I have come to realise that mourning the loss of normal is ok.
It's not a sign of weakness or madness.
It doesn't mean that I am a bad mummy, wife, or friend.
It doesn't mean that I don't love Eilidh, David and Niamh.
What it does mean, however, is that I'm hurting and adjusting and learning and reflecting.
It's ok to feel this pain, this sadness.
It's ok to mourn this loss of normal.