Saturday, July 09, 2011

Babies Abundant

boo (niamh) @ 16 weeks in 2006

There are pregnancies galore and babies abundant: hope is evident everywhere.  I am full of joy for each radiant possibility and every bouncing bundle born but, I have to admitI'm jealous, too.  Their lives continue on, expectantly and joyfully with hope for future's colourful and dream worthy.  In comparison our lives, no, my life feels stagnant and hopeless despite my hardest, bestest efforts.

I wonder about our future and another baby - boo trois.  It struck me today that the gift of a healthy child will in no way ever take this pain that I feel away.  Another baby will not make my heart whole again, neither will it complete me, nor will it reseal our bubble which popped a year ago.

Some may think "what an earth are you thinking?", others "i completely understand where you are coming from...".  It really doesn't matter what others think.  Sometimes I find myself thinking "How can we even be thinking about bringing another child into our life, into our discombobulated every day existence?".  In the end, however,  it's our decision to make and we need to talk it over, discussing the impact another baby, another child will have on our lives, on us and on the girls.   There are so many pros and cons to consider: for the moment, however, I am content to gaze upon life anew from a distance - as long as the cuddles and kisses are free and plentiful.