Friday, March 02, 2012

Back Home Again

I'm back
But not as I was before I left.

I knew that I was in need of a holiday -
I just don't think I was aware of how in need I was.
I sobbed when I got there:
my final destination -
sweetpea, sweet baby T
and the comfort of their bodies.

The mental and physical break has been immense: my body rested.
The time on my own, liberating: my soul replenished.
But it was a week, only a week, and the week flew by.

I sobbed as I left -
I didn't want to go home;
I wasn't ready to resume my life.
And truth be told,
I'm still not ready.

Will I ever be ready for this life?
I'm not very sure.
Sweetpea said, "you can do this..."
I don't know if I can,
I don't know if I want to...

It's been hard to come home; it's even harder to admit that I didn't want to come home.  I know, however, that this will pass, that I'll pick myself up and that life will carry on.  How do I know this?  Because I have to believe that it is true.  I have to hope for better days.


Midlife Singlemum said...

A break, even for a couple of nights if you can't manage a week, is a wonderful thing. I hope you can do this a couple of times a year at least. Lots of love xxx

Di said...

It is only natural to have the blues after a break away. You will be fine... and in the meantime, start planning your next break away! :)

BavarianSojourn said...

So glad you had a break, it's so important to remember who you are as well. Where are you going next?!? Emma xx

ever hopeful mummy said...

thank you, lovely ladies for the positivity! you are right, holiday blues are normal and things are a little brighter now but this was a "i want to run away and never return" kind of feeling...
My next holiday - maybe a couple of days later this year but we're about to embark on an extension and some adaptations for e...

LittleMamma said...

Oh bless you Ever Hopeful. Just want to give you a great big hug. Some days are like that. And being away and looking at your life with fresh eyes is bound to make you question 'how do we live like this? How can I go on living this life?'. But you do, and you can and you will, because you have to. And another day will come and it won't feel so difficult or so sad or so frightening and you'll look back and be surprised you felt like this. You will be fine. And if I could reach that far I'd hug you til you believed it. X x

Looking for Blue Sky said...

It's all very early days for you, it's not that it gets easier, but you do come to accept a different life eventually. Glad you can get a break from time to time, that really helps xx (over from Love All Blogs)

Tricky Customer said...

I wish I could say something profound that would be of use to you, apart from I know how you feel, I really do. But what I will tell you is that I'm sending over lots of love and hugs. x