Thursday, November 22, 2012


can you keep a secret?
sorry, i know that i am whispering,
but i need to whisper...
i don't know if i can bare to admit this...
but it's eating me up inside.
can you hear me?
come closer...
can you hear me now?
you can?
then listen carefully and please, please, please don't tell a soul...
promise me that you won't tell a living soul...

there are engagements and weddings and babies galore
new beginnings,
ever radiant possibilities,
futures to grab hold of 
and live to the full
and i am happy for them
(i am...
I really am...)
but - 
and yes, there is a but -
inside i feel like crawling into a ball,
for i fear for my future.
our beginnings ended, 
our radiant possibilities waned,
our future stolen from us.
there are days when i feel that
joy will forever escape me,
no matter the smile i show the world.
and what makes it worse?
these new beginnings are for
my loved ones, close by
and so very palpable...
so, now do you see
why it was so hard to admit,
why i am whispering?
i love these people;
i wish them all i ever wished for myself:
ever after.
and while i still have these,
i fear i have no joy,
only uncertainty,
and they have joy abundant,
or so it seems...

"Comparison is the thief of joy"
Theodore Roosevelt


Katie Kitchen said...

I understand. I understand that you want to be happy, that really you are, but you are showered in sadness and the gut punch that you have been robbed... Well that's how I feel. This post right now, this second, sums up my now too x

Bright Side of Life said...

Huge hugs to you and also to you Katie. I know that right at this very moment you don't feel it, BUT one day you will be ok.... the gut punches won't be so painful. I know what you are feeling because I have been there too. Thinking of you both. Di xx

BavarianSojourn said...

So very eloquent. x