Monday, December 17, 2012

Different




Pondering on a drive east on Saturday, I had to go and open my mouth, didn't I?


"niamh, would you like to do another sport?"

bouncing up and down in her car seat, she replies; "emmm, gymnastics?"

then eilidh butts in, "mumma, can i do gymnastics, too?"

Struggling to know what to say, I mumble in response, "no, eilidh, you're not strong enough..."

The ever protective big sister quickly steps in, "eilidh, you know, some people are just different... like... you like pickles and i don't like pickles... mummy, what doesn't eilidh like?"

"raspberries?"

"yes, you don't like raspberries and i do.  some people like things, some people don't...and i can do things that you can't... i can walk: you can't... i can run: you can't...  but we are all different... you can go in a wheelchair: i can't... you can spin in your  wheelchair: i can't..."

"but i don't want to be in my wheelchair..."


The silence was heavy; the ever present fracture in my heart opened, eilidh cried and I couldn't stop, journeying forward on the M8, aching for my little girl who will only ever cartwheel in her dreams.




4 comments:

BavarianSojourn said...

So beautifully written... It must be so very hard :(

Midlife Singlemum said...

I cried too reading this. It's a hard and harsh lesson to have to learn for such a wee girl.

h0peful mummy said...

thank you, em and rachel: it's gut wrenching and so difficult to hide my tears from them. niamh is so matter of fact with her. i'm really not looking forward to eilidh starting to ask more questions - i don't know if i will have the answers for her. i cry inside when she talks to me of being a doctor and a mummy - i don't know what the future holds for her, i don't know what is possible and have to believe that everything is possible but i know that she will be limited by her disability in some ways

Pia said...

I have so few words to give you, Sheonad; I'll give you a hug instead. I hope a few of Eilidh's dreams come true someday, for our happiness is so very tightly tied to theirs.
Merry Christmas and a happy new year to you and your family. Hugs, and much love. xx