Tuesday, August 13, 2013

All out to sea



image by Davina Wilson




Eilidh was floating,
goggles on,
a smile on her face,
but drifting.
Her class safe at the edge of the pool
and Eilidh in the middle,
alone.

She was beginning to struggle:
the pool was full of splashing,
Eilidh calm but all out to sea
and tiring,
her head starting to fall below the water.

I panicked, my heart full of fear.
I turned my back on her -
just for a moment -
looking for her teacher,
"She should not be on her own. Ever! "

I can't remember her reply;
I remember my concern,
my spiralling anger,
my overwhelming feeling of loss of control.
I remember my reply:
"Did you actually pause to think before saying that?
Next time try the ten second rule!
Think then speak!
Next time try to imagine yourself in my position!"

I turn away,
towards Eilidh,
and the tears began to fall;
each single tear adding to the
pool of tears
keeping Eilidh buoyant and safe but
all out to sea.

And then I wake,
the worry present, 
palpable
and real;
who will look after her
when I'm not there?




1 comment:

Midlife Singlemum said...

I feel your fear. I don't really know what else to say. I've heard this a lot from parents of children with special needs. It must be one of the biggest worries. Lots of love. xxx