I found a draft post tucked away on Blogger...
Things haven't been great over recent weeks, the fear of today and tomorrow overwhelming and consuming me.
And today this post, reminding me that I have succeeded in picking myself up before and that this process gets easier with time.
Some friends stand by me still, keeping me afloat and new friends have joined them: even in their silence I know they are with me and that, for me, is the true meaning of friendship.
"... I know you are going to feel better... I remember very clearly the first time we met... (the) next time...I saw a very different person - soft and warm and silly and clever and sophisticated and deeply in love. I said to (the duke of bedford) "she's cool - I'm going to try to be friends with her." The third occasion which sticks in my mind is you and the newborn N. You were peace and contentment and love personified - you made it look effortless and joyful - I began to realise your immense ability to care for others. You and the two kids in the double Maclaren was even more impressive - laid back, laughing, delighted, full of amazing creative ideas. The I remember the sheer shitting myself terror and tears of E's diagnosis - bloody hell you approached it with such honesty, took it like a full punch square in the face and I watched you pick yourself up after each hit, getting bloody and bruised but unbowed... You are a voice of reason and I value you and your friendship immensely. There is more to you than meets the eye and what meets the eye is damn impressive..."
And still I rise...
Thank you, Duchess of Bedford, you are a true friend.